I got off work about 3:00 yesterday and headed home to meet Mr. D. so that he could take me to acupuncture and then to the big appointment. I'll have to do a post sometime on my acupuncture studio. It's a different setup, a community acupuncture studio where the treatment is done in a room with several people receiving treatment at a time.
After my treatment, I chugged a whole quart of water (holy full bladder!) and then we headed to our favorite pet store to kill some time before the appointment. Mr. D. wanted to get the doggies a special treat (as usual). We headed next door to get a good luck hug from my sister, she works at the same bank that I do and her branch was right there.
By the time we got to Dr. M's office, I had to pee so badly I thought I was going to die. Fortunately, our wait was really short. He brings in an outside ultrasound technician for this procedure, and she was VERY nice. She took us into the ultrasound room (which was like 90 degrees to keep the embys warm) and we did an abdominal ultrasound to see how full my bladder was, and then gave me a paper cup to empty my bladder, telling me I could fill it 1 1/2 times. She is my new favorite. When I was done, she had me undress on the bottom and she did another quick abdominal ultrasound and decided my bladder looked good.
At this point, Dr. M., a nurse, Dr. C. (the embryologist) and the nice ultrasound tech were all in the room. They moved this super bright light, that I swear looked like a stage light, into position pointed straight at my lady parts and brought out my friends, the stirrups. This is the part where it got uncomfortable. I had no idea a speculum could get that big. Dr. M. was telling me to relax down there so he could insert it more easily. Excuse me, you try relaxing when a strange man and three of his coworkers are inserting a giant piece of metal into your hoo-ha.
Once he had the speculum in place, the ultrasound tech put the probe on my belly to make sure my uterus was easy to access and so that she could monitor the catheter once it was inserted. The cleaned the inside of my uterus with large q-tip things. That part didn't hurt necessarily, but it was not comfortable. Think about that mental image, yeah, not really pleasant. Now it was Dr. C's turn.
I should back track a little and say that when the embryos were frozen last October, there was one blastocyst and one 4-dayer (I can never remember what they're called). The plan had been to transfer both yesterday, but only the one little guy survived. That's okay though. Chances for twins are lower, and the one we transferred was an "AB" grade, so really healthy.
Dr. M. inserted a catheter until the nice ultrasound lady said it was in position. Then Dr. C. removed the inner part and went to fill it with our little frozen baby. This whole catheter part was painless, I couldn't even feel anything happening. I did, however, still have a giant speculum in there, so to say I was comfortable would be a big fat lie. I just did my best to hold my hubby's hand, take deep breathes and close my eyes.
When Dr. C. inserted the embryos, they waited for a few minutes and then removed everything and told me to lay on the left side for 15 minutes and then the right for the same. After some quick instructions we were free to go!
That brings me to here, laying on the couch, with the strictest bed rest nurse (AKA Mr. D.) ever! Hoping hoping hoping that little embryo is sticking in there and holding on tight!!!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
BIG DAY!
So tomorrow is the big day! I get off work at 3:00, head to acupuncture and then go see Dr. M. at 5:30 to transfer our two little frozen babies! I am crazy nervous about them not thawing. I don't know if it's some weird irrational fear, or if it's warranted. I think I am most afraid that after everything my body has been through, we won't even have a chance to TRY getting pregnant.
If anyone out there is reading, please think thick and sticky thoughts and send some good pregnancy vibes our way! Updates to come soon (as long as I survive the 1 qt of water I have to drink before the procedure!!)
If anyone out there is reading, please think thick and sticky thoughts and send some good pregnancy vibes our way! Updates to come soon (as long as I survive the 1 qt of water I have to drink before the procedure!!)
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Estrogen Hates Me
Apparently my body is angry with me. I am on day 10 of estrogen patches. Three at a time, left on for three days and then changed. Fortunately, the headaches are less frequent, and easier to control with pain meds. UNfortunately, every day that I switch my patches I get sick. Nausea. Vomitting. Not fun! I don't know how these tiny patches can make me so sick. I also went to acupuncture last week, and Gianna told me that my pulse was so "off" that it sounded like it belonged to a different person.
The Lupron shots are also getting really bad. They HURT! I even cried the other day, and I haven't cried since my first 1 1/2" IM shot in my bum. They're leaving bruises too... how does a tiny needle leave such a big bruise?
In better news, we are transferring next Wednesday! Hooray! I am scared, excited, nervous and about a million other things. Dr M. told me on Thursday that my endometrium "could not be any more perfect". Yay for my body finally doing what it is supposed to!
This also means that I don't have to do shots anymore, and I started my Progesterone on Friday. These suckers are LOADS of fun! NOT! This might be a little too much information, but I'm being honest here. Hello discharge! My sister in law told me I would feel like I was peeing myself, and she was not kidding. I feel like maybe I should buy stock in panty liners.
The Lupron shots are also getting really bad. They HURT! I even cried the other day, and I haven't cried since my first 1 1/2" IM shot in my bum. They're leaving bruises too... how does a tiny needle leave such a big bruise?
In better news, we are transferring next Wednesday! Hooray! I am scared, excited, nervous and about a million other things. Dr M. told me on Thursday that my endometrium "could not be any more perfect". Yay for my body finally doing what it is supposed to!
This also means that I don't have to do shots anymore, and I started my Progesterone on Friday. These suckers are LOADS of fun! NOT! This might be a little too much information, but I'm being honest here. Hello discharge! My sister in law told me I would feel like I was peeing myself, and she was not kidding. I feel like maybe I should buy stock in panty liners.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
SO over this!
I realize now that my posting definitely dropped off there right before my egg retrieval. I will do my best to "summarize" what happened and bring you up to speed on our current situation. PS... I'm not pregnant yet.
So the egg retrieval happened on Friday October 10th. My estradiol levels skyrocketed in the days leading up to it, so I took a few injections of cabergoline, which is supposed to delay ovulation so that they eggs have more time to grow. I triggered with Lupron and diluted HCG, and went in in the morning to have my eggs retrieved!
I was nervous for the retrieval, but my Mr. D. went with me and helped me stay calm. I got an IV and they prepped me for the procedure. All went smoothly, except that I had 23 eggs, and the process took a long time so I ended up needing a lot of Demerol to keep me sedated. I ended up having a allergic reaction to it, and spent about 3 hours throwing up in the doctors office. When I finally got to go home, Mr. D. tucked me into bed and then headed back to the office to give his sample.
We had a call from Dr. C, the embryologist a few hours later that Matt's sperm were not fertilizing all of the eggs, and he would need to return the following day to give another sample. We took it easy for the rest of the weekend, I was mildly sore and tender and pretty tired from being so sick. By Sunday we knew something was wrong. I was having severe abdominal pains, and bloating. I couldn't sit, lay down or really move at all without pain and my belly was starting to look like a pregnant woman. I took Monday off of work and went to see Dr. M. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome, and the decision was made to freeze the two embryos that were still growing so that I could recover. I spent that whole week in intense pain, I couldn't sleep and had to take narcotics to control the cramping. I was so swollen that even Mr. D's sweats didn't fit over my belly.
The severe bloating lasted a week, I returned to work the following Monday, but over the course of the next three months I experienced fluid collecting in my lungs, tests for blood clots, cancer and other things to try to figure out why the fluid in my abdominal cavity would not go away. The delay of the transfer went from one month to two, three, and now four. It was eventually decided that I just had severe OHSS and it was extremely slow to resolve.
We finally got to approval to move forward about a month ago, and I was to continue the birth control they put me on after the OHSS, and then on the 12th day of pills begin Lupron injections in my stomach. I continued with the injections through my period, which brings us up to date! I went in to see Dr M on Wednesday and all things were a go!
I applied three Vivelle-Dot estrogen patches on Wednesday night and by Thursday at noon I had a killer headache. That continued despite pain killers all day on Thursday and Friday. I went to the acupuncturist last night and it seemed to help but the headaches are back today. Gianna, my acupuncturist says that lots of water will help, and that when I start progesterone suppositories next week that should help balance it out. My whole body is thrown out of whack by all of this estrogen, headache, body aches, vomiting, upset stomach. I can't wait for this part to be over! On top of that, the Lupron injections are starting to be really painful and today is the day I have to switch to three new estrogen patches.
Overall, the last 4 months has been a crazy ride of pain, emotions and frustration. I am excited for the light at the end of the tunnel. In a few short weeks, our two embryo babies will be transferred and this crazy IVF ride will be over for now. We are crossing fingers, toes and everything else that this story has a happy ending. Only time will tell!
So the egg retrieval happened on Friday October 10th. My estradiol levels skyrocketed in the days leading up to it, so I took a few injections of cabergoline, which is supposed to delay ovulation so that they eggs have more time to grow. I triggered with Lupron and diluted HCG, and went in in the morning to have my eggs retrieved!
I was nervous for the retrieval, but my Mr. D. went with me and helped me stay calm. I got an IV and they prepped me for the procedure. All went smoothly, except that I had 23 eggs, and the process took a long time so I ended up needing a lot of Demerol to keep me sedated. I ended up having a allergic reaction to it, and spent about 3 hours throwing up in the doctors office. When I finally got to go home, Mr. D. tucked me into bed and then headed back to the office to give his sample.
We had a call from Dr. C, the embryologist a few hours later that Matt's sperm were not fertilizing all of the eggs, and he would need to return the following day to give another sample. We took it easy for the rest of the weekend, I was mildly sore and tender and pretty tired from being so sick. By Sunday we knew something was wrong. I was having severe abdominal pains, and bloating. I couldn't sit, lay down or really move at all without pain and my belly was starting to look like a pregnant woman. I took Monday off of work and went to see Dr. M. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Hyper stimulation Syndrome, and the decision was made to freeze the two embryos that were still growing so that I could recover. I spent that whole week in intense pain, I couldn't sleep and had to take narcotics to control the cramping. I was so swollen that even Mr. D's sweats didn't fit over my belly.
The severe bloating lasted a week, I returned to work the following Monday, but over the course of the next three months I experienced fluid collecting in my lungs, tests for blood clots, cancer and other things to try to figure out why the fluid in my abdominal cavity would not go away. The delay of the transfer went from one month to two, three, and now four. It was eventually decided that I just had severe OHSS and it was extremely slow to resolve.
We finally got to approval to move forward about a month ago, and I was to continue the birth control they put me on after the OHSS, and then on the 12th day of pills begin Lupron injections in my stomach. I continued with the injections through my period, which brings us up to date! I went in to see Dr M on Wednesday and all things were a go!
I applied three Vivelle-Dot estrogen patches on Wednesday night and by Thursday at noon I had a killer headache. That continued despite pain killers all day on Thursday and Friday. I went to the acupuncturist last night and it seemed to help but the headaches are back today. Gianna, my acupuncturist says that lots of water will help, and that when I start progesterone suppositories next week that should help balance it out. My whole body is thrown out of whack by all of this estrogen, headache, body aches, vomiting, upset stomach. I can't wait for this part to be over! On top of that, the Lupron injections are starting to be really painful and today is the day I have to switch to three new estrogen patches.
Overall, the last 4 months has been a crazy ride of pain, emotions and frustration. I am excited for the light at the end of the tunnel. In a few short weeks, our two embryo babies will be transferred and this crazy IVF ride will be over for now. We are crossing fingers, toes and everything else that this story has a happy ending. Only time will tell!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Shots Shots Shots!
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a serious needle phobia. Crying and getting dizzy when we even talk about a needle touching me kind of phobia. So when Dr. M told us back in June that the IUI would be partnered with injections, I was not thrilled. I did my research though and had a few months to accept the subcutaneous stomach injections that would be coming along. Until Saturday this is...
We were in the exam room having just completed the terrible uterine sounding, when the medical assistant told me that she might as well teach Mr D. how to do my Menopur injections while my pants were done... excuse me? She tells me to roll over onto my tummy.
Butt injections. Intramuscular. 1 1/2" needle. NO THANK YOU! She had Mr D. practice with a saline injection, he did a fabulous job. It hurt like hell. After a blood draw and a meeting in Dr. M's office, we were on our way home, armed with a prescription for a whole lot of needles and even more anxiety.
Sunday morning I cried through the whole process. My poor sweet hubby had to jab a giant needle in my butt while I cried uncontrollably. He is such an amazing man. He comforted me and rubbed my bum until I stopped crying. He told me how brave I was and how much he loved me. And just like that, I became a human pincushion.
We continued with 150 unites of Menopur in the AM and 75 units in the PM along with Lupron injections. The Lupron is a small diabetic needle in my stomach. The needle is tiny and doesn't hurt a bit. I take .20 in the AM and .20 again in the PM.
It's been over a week now. The Menopur injections still hurt a little, but not nearly as much as those darn Lupron injections! We are trying to get creative with where to inject them in my abdominal area, because the space around my belly button hurts SO badly at this point.
Friday evening I had an ultrasound and blood work done (did I forget to mention the blood work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday?) They are monitoring my estradiol levels closely because they help indicate the number and maturity of the follicles. The ultrasound shows lots of follicles that are somewhat large but we are hoping they will get larger. In order to push along the follicles, we started injecting Gonal-F.
Gonal-F comes in a pen pre-loaded with the medication. You set the dial on the pen, confirm the dose and inject it in the tummy. These ones are my favorite so far. They don't hurt a bit, the needle is so tiny that I literally can't feel it go in. Can't they all be this easy?
Yesterday's blood work came back good, so we are off the see Dr. M again today for ultrasound and blood work again. Think big, healthy follicles! Only 3 more injection days before egg retrieval!!!
We were in the exam room having just completed the terrible uterine sounding, when the medical assistant told me that she might as well teach Mr D. how to do my Menopur injections while my pants were done... excuse me? She tells me to roll over onto my tummy.
Butt injections. Intramuscular. 1 1/2" needle. NO THANK YOU! She had Mr D. practice with a saline injection, he did a fabulous job. It hurt like hell. After a blood draw and a meeting in Dr. M's office, we were on our way home, armed with a prescription for a whole lot of needles and even more anxiety.
Sunday morning I cried through the whole process. My poor sweet hubby had to jab a giant needle in my butt while I cried uncontrollably. He is such an amazing man. He comforted me and rubbed my bum until I stopped crying. He told me how brave I was and how much he loved me. And just like that, I became a human pincushion.
We continued with 150 unites of Menopur in the AM and 75 units in the PM along with Lupron injections. The Lupron is a small diabetic needle in my stomach. The needle is tiny and doesn't hurt a bit. I take .20 in the AM and .20 again in the PM.
It's been over a week now. The Menopur injections still hurt a little, but not nearly as much as those darn Lupron injections! We are trying to get creative with where to inject them in my abdominal area, because the space around my belly button hurts SO badly at this point.
Friday evening I had an ultrasound and blood work done (did I forget to mention the blood work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday?) They are monitoring my estradiol levels closely because they help indicate the number and maturity of the follicles. The ultrasound shows lots of follicles that are somewhat large but we are hoping they will get larger. In order to push along the follicles, we started injecting Gonal-F.
Gonal-F comes in a pen pre-loaded with the medication. You set the dial on the pen, confirm the dose and inject it in the tummy. These ones are my favorite so far. They don't hurt a bit, the needle is so tiny that I literally can't feel it go in. Can't they all be this easy?
Yesterday's blood work came back good, so we are off the see Dr. M again today for ultrasound and blood work again. Think big, healthy follicles! Only 3 more injection days before egg retrieval!!!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
A Change of Plans and Ouchie!
I got my period last week and had to spend Friday at home with a heating pad, thanks endometriosis. I promptly called Dr. M and made my appointment to learn how to do my shots and talk about how the IUI process would work. My appointment was scheduled for Saturday morning.
I had Matt come with me because he would be the one giving me the injections in my stomach. We showed up and I went back so that I could change for the ultrasound. Dr. M came in a little (okay a lot) late and asked me if I had ever had an internal ultrasound before. I told him I was used to them because of my cysts, so we got started. The good news was that the left ovary that had been so beat up in surgery earlier this year was looking good and healthy. The bad news was the the right ovary is now covered in cysts.
Dr. M decided that we needed to do whats called a uterine sounding in order to measure the depth and angle of my uterus to prepare for IVF, yeah, that's right... IVF!
Little did I know that this uterine sounding business was not going to be a walk in the park. He inserted a speculum and then the medical assistant told Matt that he would probably want to hold my hand. They cleaned my cervix with iodine and then clamped my cervix in order to insert the measuring tool. That part hurt, bad. The medical assistant told me that this pain would help prepare me for labor! OUCH! The pain didn't last too long and the cramping went away about 10 minutes after the procedure was done.
They taught Matt how to give me the Menopur injections, which are actually intramuscular and in my butt. I'm not going to lie, the needle is REALLY big and does not feel good. We went into Dr. M's office and talked for an hour or so about our options and why IVF is the best bet. We should have a 50% chance of success with this method and are pretty excited. Dr. M took my blood and showed us how to do the Lupron injections in my stomach.
We went home overwhelmed, scared and excited (and feeling a little bit like a pin cushion already).
More to come on the adventure that has been this week, details on injections and how I'm feeling so far!
I had Matt come with me because he would be the one giving me the injections in my stomach. We showed up and I went back so that I could change for the ultrasound. Dr. M came in a little (okay a lot) late and asked me if I had ever had an internal ultrasound before. I told him I was used to them because of my cysts, so we got started. The good news was that the left ovary that had been so beat up in surgery earlier this year was looking good and healthy. The bad news was the the right ovary is now covered in cysts.
Dr. M decided that we needed to do whats called a uterine sounding in order to measure the depth and angle of my uterus to prepare for IVF, yeah, that's right... IVF!
Little did I know that this uterine sounding business was not going to be a walk in the park. He inserted a speculum and then the medical assistant told Matt that he would probably want to hold my hand. They cleaned my cervix with iodine and then clamped my cervix in order to insert the measuring tool. That part hurt, bad. The medical assistant told me that this pain would help prepare me for labor! OUCH! The pain didn't last too long and the cramping went away about 10 minutes after the procedure was done.
They taught Matt how to give me the Menopur injections, which are actually intramuscular and in my butt. I'm not going to lie, the needle is REALLY big and does not feel good. We went into Dr. M's office and talked for an hour or so about our options and why IVF is the best bet. We should have a 50% chance of success with this method and are pretty excited. Dr. M took my blood and showed us how to do the Lupron injections in my stomach.
We went home overwhelmed, scared and excited (and feeling a little bit like a pin cushion already).
More to come on the adventure that has been this week, details on injections and how I'm feeling so far!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Lately
Lately I have been struggling a lot with our future. It must be related back to going to Dr. M for the first time and making a plan for what's to come next. For the past two years we have been moving one month at a time, and for once there seems to be somewhat of a plan out ahead of us. I really thought that finally having a plan would make me feel more content, but it has almost made me more anxious.
I don't know why I have such a hard time with the conception process and how it will work for Mr. D and I. For some reason I am really stuck on the whole process of "making a baby" together and it being a special, romantic and intimate thing. I am having a hard time with the fact that my future (hopefully) child will be conceived on an exam table with needles and catheters and blood tests involved. If you remember my needle phobia, you'll realize that these things are probably the farthest from "special and romantic" in my book. I guess I just always assumed that my children would be conceived the old fashioned way, and we would have a funny story about conceiving on vacation or after some really fun night out or something (maybe I watch too many romantic comedies).
I think the root of it is that this is something I never in a million years imagined going through. I never dreamed that the act of starting my family would bring so many tears and so much stress and heartache. I imagined it to be a magical journey of love, positive pregnancy tests, happy announcements, ultrasounds and new adventures. Instead it's a road full of disappointment, ovulation tests, tears, pokes and pricks, drugs and despair. My hope is that someday I can be happy when a friend or family member announces pregnancy, and that the sight of a new mother and her child doesn't bring feelings of jealousy or anger.
I'm trying hard to choose to be happy lately, and to remember the positives in my life, but some days it's a lot harder than others. Recently there seems to be more of the harder days. I wake up and go through most days feeling disappointed, and sad. I told Mr. D that I feel like I'm "in a funk" and can't quite seem to get out of it. I am stuck on the sad, and stuck on the unfair. It just doesn't make sense that this whole journey to parenthood is so incredibly easy (or accidental) for some and so downright terrible for others. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever been to, and a constant, everyday battle.
Sorry to be so down, but it's how I've been feeling lately. As a friend experiencing infertility recently told me "Sometimes we just need to have a pity party". I totally agree.
I don't know why I have such a hard time with the conception process and how it will work for Mr. D and I. For some reason I am really stuck on the whole process of "making a baby" together and it being a special, romantic and intimate thing. I am having a hard time with the fact that my future (hopefully) child will be conceived on an exam table with needles and catheters and blood tests involved. If you remember my needle phobia, you'll realize that these things are probably the farthest from "special and romantic" in my book. I guess I just always assumed that my children would be conceived the old fashioned way, and we would have a funny story about conceiving on vacation or after some really fun night out or something (maybe I watch too many romantic comedies).
I think the root of it is that this is something I never in a million years imagined going through. I never dreamed that the act of starting my family would bring so many tears and so much stress and heartache. I imagined it to be a magical journey of love, positive pregnancy tests, happy announcements, ultrasounds and new adventures. Instead it's a road full of disappointment, ovulation tests, tears, pokes and pricks, drugs and despair. My hope is that someday I can be happy when a friend or family member announces pregnancy, and that the sight of a new mother and her child doesn't bring feelings of jealousy or anger.
I'm trying hard to choose to be happy lately, and to remember the positives in my life, but some days it's a lot harder than others. Recently there seems to be more of the harder days. I wake up and go through most days feeling disappointed, and sad. I told Mr. D that I feel like I'm "in a funk" and can't quite seem to get out of it. I am stuck on the sad, and stuck on the unfair. It just doesn't make sense that this whole journey to parenthood is so incredibly easy (or accidental) for some and so downright terrible for others. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever been to, and a constant, everyday battle.
Sorry to be so down, but it's how I've been feeling lately. As a friend experiencing infertility recently told me "Sometimes we just need to have a pity party". I totally agree.
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