Insecurities

I have never been the most self confident person.  I have never really felt fabulous about myself.  This infertility business is sure making it worse though.  I should start by saying that Mr. D. is fabulous about making me feel good about myself.  He tells me how beautiful I am and compliments me and is always reminding me how great I am and telling me he is proud of me.  But being infertile is rough!

I feel like the female body, when you really get down to evolution (which I believe in) and biology, is made for one thing... to produce and nurture offspring.  When you can't do that, you feel broken.  I know nothing about breast cancer, or what it's like to experience a mastectomy, but I have heard women say that losing your breasts is like losing what makes you a woman, and I wonder if not being able to get pregnant might be similar.  I feel like the basic purpose that my body was made for isn't working, and if we were in the wild talking about natural selection and genes being carried forward, I would be toast!

The other insecurity comes from being afraid that my husband will realize that he could have a baby with someone else.  It's the biggest thing that i cannot, at this point, provide for him.  It's important for you to know that my husband reminds me CONSTANTLY that he would never leave me for someone who has no fertility issues, that he loves me unconditionally, and that everything will be okay because no matter what, we have each other, but it doesn't always stop me from fearing that I am just damaged goods.

I asked Mr. D. on a particularly "bad" day if he had kept his receipt because I was broken and he should probably return me to the store for a new model.  He kindly said "I threw my receipt away because I knew I would never need it."

I love this man.